Have you ever been betrayed by a friend? We all have, but this week I experienced it again and it hurt deeper than usual. I didn't see it coming and the surprise of it made the wound deeper. I thought I could talk to someone in confidence, but I couldn't. I thought my friend would value our friendship above work. I thought I was safe with a sister in Christ.
When I told her she betrayed me, she told me I ought to learn something from this experience and I did. I learned that I value relationships more than anything. I value friendships above work and goals and getting ahead. And I value others I care about more than myself. That may sound self-righteous, but it has pitfalls. And maybe I've lost the balance. It means I trust too much and sometimes I care too much. That leaves me vulnerable. Vulnerability can lead to heartaches. It means I can get hurt and even punished. It means I am susceptible to being wrong about people. It means I see things so differently and I may not be relating to someone when I think I am. So maybe I'm not in reality at times. I can misjudge someone or some situation. I forgave her in my heart, but our relationship doesn't feel the same.
Yet I know vulnerability is part of being transparent. Being transparent is part of being real with people. Being real with people is part of relational ministry. Relational ministry is part of transforming lives. And I have to be about that.
I'm still trying to get at the final take-away on this experience. All I know now is that it feels empty and leaves me confused. When that happens, I get quiet. I reflect more. I haven't said a lot lately.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
Speak English!
Press 1 for English. Press 2 for Spanish.
Nothing chaps my husband more than that simple message. His pretense is that if you're in America, assume it's English! I tend to agree with him. When we go to Paris, no one asks us to press 1 for French and 2 for English. When we're in Guatemala, everything is in Spanish (granted, there's not a lot of pressing of technological buttons in the squalor of poverty). When we're in the Bahamas, we don't get a choice: King's English or Southern?
I was thinking about why we are so protective of our cultures. Why is it so important to "preserve our heritage"? And then God spoke to my heart and told me something I'd never thought of before. English is a temporary language. So is French. So is Spanish.
When we get to heaven, we will forever live in a blended community. I assume we'll have a spiritual language that everyone will be able to understand. We'll be able to communicate with people of every nation and we'll all sing praises together. We'll all understand each other.
The point is, I think it's time to give up our rights to our heritage and culture. It's passing away. It has no long-term significance. It's time to focus on Jesus' prayer concept: "on earth as it is in heaven". We need to be more kingdom-minded in dreaming about a culture where no one is better than anyone else and everyone is precious in the sight of God.
We need to think about what community transformation really looks like. I suspect it will look a lot more like heaven.
Nothing chaps my husband more than that simple message. His pretense is that if you're in America, assume it's English! I tend to agree with him. When we go to Paris, no one asks us to press 1 for French and 2 for English. When we're in Guatemala, everything is in Spanish (granted, there's not a lot of pressing of technological buttons in the squalor of poverty). When we're in the Bahamas, we don't get a choice: King's English or Southern?
I was thinking about why we are so protective of our cultures. Why is it so important to "preserve our heritage"? And then God spoke to my heart and told me something I'd never thought of before. English is a temporary language. So is French. So is Spanish.
When we get to heaven, we will forever live in a blended community. I assume we'll have a spiritual language that everyone will be able to understand. We'll be able to communicate with people of every nation and we'll all sing praises together. We'll all understand each other.
The point is, I think it's time to give up our rights to our heritage and culture. It's passing away. It has no long-term significance. It's time to focus on Jesus' prayer concept: "on earth as it is in heaven". We need to be more kingdom-minded in dreaming about a culture where no one is better than anyone else and everyone is precious in the sight of God.
We need to think about what community transformation really looks like. I suspect it will look a lot more like heaven.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
Judith Viorst understood. I doubt she ever had a day like mine, but her book character - Alexander - is at least a child's version of my day on Thursday.
Let's start by saying that my day began with leaving a sick teenager at home. It's so difficult for a mother to leave a sick child - at any age. Work was stressful and somewhat emotional as I shared with a couple of coworkers the changes coming in my job status. I was swamped with work and my emails, phone calls and meetings mounted up all day. I kept asking myself who was going to take care of all of this when I leave and why doesn't the management think it's important? I started worrying about my coworkers and how much more they'd have to do to take over for me and it hurt my heart. I didn't want to be there and I left early, feeling empty and sad.
When I arrived home and checked the mailbox, I discovered a jury duty summons. Great. Just great. I haven't had to do that in years and now that I need to focus on searching for work, I get to hang out at the courthouse for $25 a day. Just an inconvenience that sort of added to the joy of the day.
Then I headed out to a meeting of senior parents at my daughter's high school where I was blessed with receiving a handout of the power point presentation when I entered the auditorium. Then I got to sit and listen to a teacher recite it to me long after I'd already finished reading through it. Nice. If I could have run, I would have. Note to self: next time, pick up the handout and leave. Immediately.
I bolted out before the last slide was off the screen. I had learned that prom tickets are $100, the annual is $80, we have to pay for cap and gowns, graduation announcements and a host of other things someone with no full time job does not want to hear about. The chorus trip next week is $250 and spring break is coming up with expenses for everyone. I felt discouraged , but I was eager to just head home.
That's when I hit the coyote. Yep. On top of everything else, I am a coyote killer. He darted out in front of my car and hit it so hard that I had to fight the steering wheel to hold the car in the road. I realized that moment could have been a lot worse. And then I got home and found out it was. The stupid coyote knocked off a piece of my car!
Yep - I can relate to Alexander. Some days are certainly better than others. But the truth is that none of these things are life-changing. They're just inconveniences we all face. And we all have to learn to cope with the bumps in the road or we will never be able to handle the big things. When I really think about it, the day wasn't earth-shattering. I just dealt with a sick child, struggled at work, discovered I have jury duty, sat through a boring meeting and killed a coyote.
Let's start by saying that my day began with leaving a sick teenager at home. It's so difficult for a mother to leave a sick child - at any age. Work was stressful and somewhat emotional as I shared with a couple of coworkers the changes coming in my job status. I was swamped with work and my emails, phone calls and meetings mounted up all day. I kept asking myself who was going to take care of all of this when I leave and why doesn't the management think it's important? I started worrying about my coworkers and how much more they'd have to do to take over for me and it hurt my heart. I didn't want to be there and I left early, feeling empty and sad.
When I arrived home and checked the mailbox, I discovered a jury duty summons. Great. Just great. I haven't had to do that in years and now that I need to focus on searching for work, I get to hang out at the courthouse for $25 a day. Just an inconvenience that sort of added to the joy of the day.
Then I headed out to a meeting of senior parents at my daughter's high school where I was blessed with receiving a handout of the power point presentation when I entered the auditorium. Then I got to sit and listen to a teacher recite it to me long after I'd already finished reading through it. Nice. If I could have run, I would have. Note to self: next time, pick up the handout and leave. Immediately.
I bolted out before the last slide was off the screen. I had learned that prom tickets are $100, the annual is $80, we have to pay for cap and gowns, graduation announcements and a host of other things someone with no full time job does not want to hear about. The chorus trip next week is $250 and spring break is coming up with expenses for everyone. I felt discouraged , but I was eager to just head home.
That's when I hit the coyote. Yep. On top of everything else, I am a coyote killer. He darted out in front of my car and hit it so hard that I had to fight the steering wheel to hold the car in the road. I realized that moment could have been a lot worse. And then I got home and found out it was. The stupid coyote knocked off a piece of my car!
Yep - I can relate to Alexander. Some days are certainly better than others. But the truth is that none of these things are life-changing. They're just inconveniences we all face. And we all have to learn to cope with the bumps in the road or we will never be able to handle the big things. When I really think about it, the day wasn't earth-shattering. I just dealt with a sick child, struggled at work, discovered I have jury duty, sat through a boring meeting and killed a coyote.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Racing into the Snow
We so seldom see snow here in the sunny South that Wednesday's beautiful, light snow storm was exciting. One minute it wasn't snowing and the next, huge snow flakes poured down on us, blanketing everything quickly and completely. We stood in the window and watched in awe. The yards were covered, the roofs turned white and everything looked peaceful for a few hours. My kids threw snowballs and we laughed and watched them chase each other on the back deck near the pool. But it was so cold.
Our little dog was crying to get out of his crate. He didn't know the temperature has dropped. He didn't know how wet it would be on his tiny feet. He didn't know the outside world had changed. I opened the door of his crate and he bolted for the back door, so eager to go out. I kept saying, "You just don't know what it's like out there!" Yet he strained to get out.
Immediately, God spoke to my heart. "You're just like that little dog sometime. You're all snug and secure in my safe environment, but you want to go bolting out into something that is not good for you. You have no idea what you'll be facing. You want to change your situation because you think there is something better. And sometimes, it's worse and I have you protected from it. Just wait."
That message to my heart slowed me down. It made me think about my quest for a new job and new security. I sensed God telling me to just stay put awhile. Let Him work. Wait for the sun to shine again. Soon the snow will melt.
Our little dog was crying to get out of his crate. He didn't know the temperature has dropped. He didn't know how wet it would be on his tiny feet. He didn't know the outside world had changed. I opened the door of his crate and he bolted for the back door, so eager to go out. I kept saying, "You just don't know what it's like out there!" Yet he strained to get out.
Immediately, God spoke to my heart. "You're just like that little dog sometime. You're all snug and secure in my safe environment, but you want to go bolting out into something that is not good for you. You have no idea what you'll be facing. You want to change your situation because you think there is something better. And sometimes, it's worse and I have you protected from it. Just wait."
That message to my heart slowed me down. It made me think about my quest for a new job and new security. I sensed God telling me to just stay put awhile. Let Him work. Wait for the sun to shine again. Soon the snow will melt.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Shopping with God
God can't waste anything. It's impossible. He's perfect and waste is a flaw.
That means God is a good shopper. He gets more for the money and He always provides in abundance. When you're faced with financial belt-tightening, it's usually because God wasn't doing the shopping. You were.
I have a friend who used to make a list on the refrigerator if there was something he really wanted. If he still really wanted it after praying about it for 60 days, he would look for a deal. Now THAT will slow you down! It's amazing how many things become unimportant in 60 days. We usually want something different in 60 days. The immediate gratification culture is real.
We're about to go to the Dave Ramsey seminar and while we have listened to his tapes and read his book, we're bracing ourselves for a shift in thinking regarding spending. With my new consulting business expected to provide less income than my full time job did, we need to rethink things anyway. We always feel like we "need" something when in fact, we only "need" food and necessities.
Can we live on less? Can we help others more? Can we ask God to do the shopping? When He tells us to make a purchase, he's always ready to go with us to the store. The rest of the time, He'd just as soon stay home and hang out with us - saving money and investing in something more important.
That means God is a good shopper. He gets more for the money and He always provides in abundance. When you're faced with financial belt-tightening, it's usually because God wasn't doing the shopping. You were.
I have a friend who used to make a list on the refrigerator if there was something he really wanted. If he still really wanted it after praying about it for 60 days, he would look for a deal. Now THAT will slow you down! It's amazing how many things become unimportant in 60 days. We usually want something different in 60 days. The immediate gratification culture is real.
We're about to go to the Dave Ramsey seminar and while we have listened to his tapes and read his book, we're bracing ourselves for a shift in thinking regarding spending. With my new consulting business expected to provide less income than my full time job did, we need to rethink things anyway. We always feel like we "need" something when in fact, we only "need" food and necessities.
Can we live on less? Can we help others more? Can we ask God to do the shopping? When He tells us to make a purchase, he's always ready to go with us to the store. The rest of the time, He'd just as soon stay home and hang out with us - saving money and investing in something more important.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Coldwater Creek and the Cross
One of the best things about losing weight is losing a size or two. My clothes fit better and I even have some new things. I got a $100 gift certificate from Coldwater Creek for my birthday and waited until after Christmas when their online sale was amazing. Today, I got practically a new wardrobe for $100! And their clothes aren't cheap.
Why do we feel like such great successes when we save a lot of money? Hardly anything gives me such exhileration! I paid $25 for a $100 jacket. Now THAT is exciting! And what's more, it's black houndstooth, the material of choice at University of Alabama (in memory of Bear Bryant's infamous hat - I know, so overboard). So, I got a deal AND I am ready to go visit Elle during football season.
But back to the thrill of the hunt - and the victory of a sale. It occurs to me that salvation is FREE and worth everything. Why don't we feel that sense of excitement over THAT savings (and I do mean SAVE-ings!)? Why don't I call up my friends and neighbors and tell them not to miss THAT bargain? It's the most valuable purchase ever made... Jesus dying on the cross for each of us. That's one deal no one should miss.
Why do we feel like such great successes when we save a lot of money? Hardly anything gives me such exhileration! I paid $25 for a $100 jacket. Now THAT is exciting! And what's more, it's black houndstooth, the material of choice at University of Alabama (in memory of Bear Bryant's infamous hat - I know, so overboard). So, I got a deal AND I am ready to go visit Elle during football season.
But back to the thrill of the hunt - and the victory of a sale. It occurs to me that salvation is FREE and worth everything. Why don't we feel that sense of excitement over THAT savings (and I do mean SAVE-ings!)? Why don't I call up my friends and neighbors and tell them not to miss THAT bargain? It's the most valuable purchase ever made... Jesus dying on the cross for each of us. That's one deal no one should miss.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Corn Tortillas Changed My Life
You don't understand how deprived I've been. Since the end of October, I've been on a diet and lost 25 pounds (I'd better here a cheer go up here...). The weight loss is the up side, but I've eaten enough grilled chicken and eggbeaters to choke a horse. I've chosen certain veggies, certain fruits, certain protein bars, certain protein shakes and certain milk. I've measured my water intake, consumed volumes of vitamins and supplements with kelp and folic acid. I've measured ounces and teaspoons, bought the right spritzer salad dressing and avoided natural sugars I always considered diet food - like carrots, onions and red grapes. I've kept daily food journals and even taken an "inner diet" psychological test that told me I am a stress eater (big news - they could have paid ME to tell them that).
So you can imagine my joy when I learned something new while meeting with a "fat counselor" recently. I've never seen her before or since so I am convinced this woman was an angel. I walked in for my regular conference and she asked me what I missed most on the diet. I told her I really miss salty things - pretzels, popcorn, chips, crackers. She replied, "Don't you eat salted corn tortillas " What? You mean I can toast a corn tortilla and salt it with my approved Morton's Lite Salt? "You can even spray them with Parkay Spray-on butter and you can have two at a time if you buy the right kind. And you can have them at all three meals."
Did the rapture come because I think I'm in heaven! I didn't know about fat-free spray-on butter and I certainly didn't know about salted tortillas. The counselor went on, "And three mornings a week, you can put low-fat mozzarella cheese on them." You're kidding. I sat there stunned. I felt like a drug addict that had just been told that cocaine won't hurt you. I had to get to Publix, and fast.
Some days are all about gaining spiritual insights and some days are simply about corn tortillas.
So you can imagine my joy when I learned something new while meeting with a "fat counselor" recently. I've never seen her before or since so I am convinced this woman was an angel. I walked in for my regular conference and she asked me what I missed most on the diet. I told her I really miss salty things - pretzels, popcorn, chips, crackers. She replied, "Don't you eat salted corn tortillas " What? You mean I can toast a corn tortilla and salt it with my approved Morton's Lite Salt? "You can even spray them with Parkay Spray-on butter and you can have two at a time if you buy the right kind. And you can have them at all three meals."
Did the rapture come because I think I'm in heaven! I didn't know about fat-free spray-on butter and I certainly didn't know about salted tortillas. The counselor went on, "And three mornings a week, you can put low-fat mozzarella cheese on them." You're kidding. I sat there stunned. I felt like a drug addict that had just been told that cocaine won't hurt you. I had to get to Publix, and fast.
Some days are all about gaining spiritual insights and some days are simply about corn tortillas.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
I almost lost my way
Sometimes, God is really entertaining. Just a couple of days before I lost my full time management job, I wrote in this blog that God is faithful and I trust Him. And that I was ready to face the new year with that in mind. I'm sure God was smiling and thinking, "You trust me? You're about to lose your job, so we're going to find out if you trust me."
Interestingly, after the initial shock, I have had a peace about the career change. I wish I could tell you that I haven't given my job another thought - "just leavin' it up to God!" - but the truth is, I think about it all of the time. I plan and plot my next move and network and wonder and update my resume. I've tried to figure out how to make enough money to pay for my daughter's college and how I can manipulate finances in my favor. I've even thought of the demands I would make in a new job negotiation.
Then tonight, something hit me while I was praying at our prayer service at church. It was God - and it wasn't a still, small voice. It was His booming move of the Spirit in my soul. He reminded me of something I'd lost sight of, but have always treasured. Work is a ministry. Marketplace ministry is a crucial mission field. I believe that. I have lived it. I have cherished it. So how can I pursue a job when I'm focused on my needs, yet I know the primary objective is "where do you want me to minister now, Lord? What's next?"
After that, someone was praying for me and simply said to me, "Show her what's next, Lord." This person had no idea I had just lost my job. God was speaking to me again. Directly. He knows what I'm going through and He's encouraging me. He's not worried. He knows what's next.
I'm switching gears. I'm going to let God take care of my finances while I focus on finding a new ministry. I'll bet He has one for me....
Interestingly, after the initial shock, I have had a peace about the career change. I wish I could tell you that I haven't given my job another thought - "just leavin' it up to God!" - but the truth is, I think about it all of the time. I plan and plot my next move and network and wonder and update my resume. I've tried to figure out how to make enough money to pay for my daughter's college and how I can manipulate finances in my favor. I've even thought of the demands I would make in a new job negotiation.
Then tonight, something hit me while I was praying at our prayer service at church. It was God - and it wasn't a still, small voice. It was His booming move of the Spirit in my soul. He reminded me of something I'd lost sight of, but have always treasured. Work is a ministry. Marketplace ministry is a crucial mission field. I believe that. I have lived it. I have cherished it. So how can I pursue a job when I'm focused on my needs, yet I know the primary objective is "where do you want me to minister now, Lord? What's next?"
After that, someone was praying for me and simply said to me, "Show her what's next, Lord." This person had no idea I had just lost my job. God was speaking to me again. Directly. He knows what I'm going through and He's encouraging me. He's not worried. He knows what's next.
I'm switching gears. I'm going to let God take care of my finances while I focus on finding a new ministry. I'll bet He has one for me....
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Where did that come from?
Have you ever said something fairly profound and then wondered where in the world that wisdom came from? It's called revelation knowledge. If you're a believer, God does that in you. Suddenly, He reveals something out of the blue and you blurt it out. It surprises you. And the person you say it to seems amazed at the depth of your insight. But it's not your insight. It's His.
God's insight was revealed to me today as I was talking to a friend about her fears. It occurred to me (supernaturally) that fear often comes from hiding something. When you try to hide who you really are - your fallacies, your mistakes, your anxieties - there is a fear of being "found out". I've realized that pretenses are couched in fear. What freedom comes when you're transparent!
Have you noticed that people who love you don't stop loving you when they discover a flaw? What a relief or no one would love me! So why do we try to be something we're not? The older I get, the less I try. I've begun to adjust to who I am (finally) and I'm hoping others are adjusting to me too. If they aren't, they don't love me. And if they don't love me, I don't have to be concerned about what they think.
It's a burden lifted when we don't have to work hard at covering our tracks, trying to be someone we aren't. And when we know we're still loved.
God's insight was revealed to me today as I was talking to a friend about her fears. It occurred to me (supernaturally) that fear often comes from hiding something. When you try to hide who you really are - your fallacies, your mistakes, your anxieties - there is a fear of being "found out". I've realized that pretenses are couched in fear. What freedom comes when you're transparent!
Have you noticed that people who love you don't stop loving you when they discover a flaw? What a relief or no one would love me! So why do we try to be something we're not? The older I get, the less I try. I've begun to adjust to who I am (finally) and I'm hoping others are adjusting to me too. If they aren't, they don't love me. And if they don't love me, I don't have to be concerned about what they think.
It's a burden lifted when we don't have to work hard at covering our tracks, trying to be someone we aren't. And when we know we're still loved.
Friday, January 4, 2008
God is like Holiday Inn
If you're old enough, you remember a great ad campaign for Holiday Inn. I love good ad slogans since I'm an ad writer. "The best surprise is no surprise." Great line. God's like that. Nothing surprises Him. He's just what you'd expect - He's steady, confident, all-knowing, in control and never phased. Nothing throws Him. Nothing pulls Him off course. Nothing deters Him.
I'd like to be like God. Steady, sure, focused and on course. I'm not. That's why a reorganization at my agency this week threw me. My job was shifted from fulltime to parttime consulting. Here I am, needing more security with the cost of college facing us and instead, I get less security. It came from nowhere. It was a decision I didn't expect. And yet (in my true risk-taker style), I'm excited to see how God is going to take care of this situation. What does He have in store for me next? How will my ministry change? How will He provide for our financial needs?
The biggest thing I've learned about life's surprises is not to be surprised (right after my initial shock dies down). I've learned to trust God to know a better way. I've figured out that my problems are really His problems. It's up to Him to solve this. And while, admittedly, I would like it better had I not been surprised, I make a quicker recovery as I get older. Experience with God has shown me that surprises are something God uses to change my course. I should welcome that.
I'd like to be like God. Steady, sure, focused and on course. I'm not. That's why a reorganization at my agency this week threw me. My job was shifted from fulltime to parttime consulting. Here I am, needing more security with the cost of college facing us and instead, I get less security. It came from nowhere. It was a decision I didn't expect. And yet (in my true risk-taker style), I'm excited to see how God is going to take care of this situation. What does He have in store for me next? How will my ministry change? How will He provide for our financial needs?
The biggest thing I've learned about life's surprises is not to be surprised (right after my initial shock dies down). I've learned to trust God to know a better way. I've figured out that my problems are really His problems. It's up to Him to solve this. And while, admittedly, I would like it better had I not been surprised, I make a quicker recovery as I get older. Experience with God has shown me that surprises are something God uses to change my course. I should welcome that.
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